Have you ever tried to change someone, only to feel frustrated or defeated?
Maybe it’s a friend, a family member, or someone close to you.
It’s common to want to help people become better versions of themselves, but the Bible offers some insight on this topic that can guide us.
Does the Bible encourage us to change others, or does it call for something else?
Let’s explore what Scripture says about trying to change someone and how we should approach it.
God is the Ultimate Source of Change
One of the first things to understand is that real change comes from God, not from us.
It’s easy to believe we can convince or push someone to change, but lasting transformation is a work of the Holy Spirit.
Philippians 1:6 says, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
This verse reminds us that God is the one who starts the process of change in a person’s life, and He is the one who completes it.
We may be instruments in the process, but God is the true source of change.
When we try to change someone, we must remember that we cannot force it.
We can encourage, support, and pray, but in the end, it’s God’s power that transforms hearts and minds.
Loving Others as They Are
The Bible calls us to love others, not based on who they might become, but as they are right now.
This can be tough, especially if we see someone we care about making choices we don’t agree with.
However, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, the famous passage about love, says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
This passage doesn’t mention anything about trying to change others.
Instead, it emphasizes patience, kindness, and perseverance.
Loving someone means accepting them as they are, flaws and all.
This doesn’t mean ignoring harmful behavior, but it does mean loving them through it, trusting that God will work on their hearts in His timing.
The Role of Influence, Not Control
While we cannot change someone, the Bible encourages us to be a positive influence in their lives.
Jesus Himself was a powerful example of how to influence others without forcing them to change.
In Matthew 5:16, Jesus says, “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
Jesus didn’t change people by pushing them or demanding transformation.
Instead, He led by example and let His actions speak for themselves.
People were drawn to Him because of His love, compassion, and truth.
In the same way, we can influence others by living out our faith, showing kindness, and being patient.
When people see the light of Christ in us, it can inspire them to change, but that change comes from their own decision, not because we forced them.
Prayer is More Powerful Than Pressure
If there’s someone in your life that you desperately want to see change, the best thing you can do is pray.
It’s easy to feel like talking, convincing, or even pressuring them will help, but prayer is far more powerful.
James 5:16 says, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
God hears our prayers, and He knows the desires of our hearts.
When we lift someone up in prayer, we’re inviting God to work in their lives in ways we can’t.
Prayer is a way to release control and trust that God’s plan for that person is better than anything we could come up with.
Trying to change someone through our own strength often leads to frustration and disappointment, but prayer brings peace, knowing that God is in control.
It’s important to remember that God’s timing is perfect, and change may not happen as quickly as we’d like.
But prayer keeps us grounded, trusting that God is working, even if we don’t see it right away.
Avoid Judging Others
When we try to change someone, it can sometimes come from a place of judgment.
We might think, “If only they would stop doing this,” or “They’d be better off if they changed that.”
But the Bible warns us about judging others.
In Matthew 7:1-2, Jesus says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Judging someone creates a barrier in relationships.
Instead of helping them change, it can push them further away.
People don’t respond well to criticism or judgment.
They are more likely to change when they feel loved, accepted, and supported.
Rather than focusing on someone’s flaws, the Bible encourages us to build them up.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:11, it says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
When we encourage others, we help them see their potential and the ways they can grow, without making them feel judged.
Focus on Changing Yourself First
One of the key lessons in the Bible is that we should focus on our own growth before trying to change others.
In Matthew 7:3-5, Jesus says, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
This passage reminds us that we all have areas in our own lives that need improvement.
Before we try to help someone else change, we need to work on ourselves.
This doesn’t mean we ignore others’ struggles, but it shifts the focus to our own growth.
When we are constantly seeking to become better versions of ourselves, it naturally influences those around us.
By working on our own character and relationship with God, we set an example for others to follow.
People are more likely to be inspired to change when they see us living out our faith authentically.
Trusting God’s Plan for Others
At the heart of trying to change someone is often a desire for what we think is best for them.
But the Bible reminds us that God’s plan is greater than our own.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
This verse shows us that God has a unique plan for each person.
We may think we know what’s best, but God knows every detail of their journey.
Sometimes, what looks like a mistake or failure to us is part of God’s greater plan to grow and refine that person.
Trusting God’s plan for others means letting go of our desire to control their path.
It means believing that God is working in their lives, even if we don’t understand how.
Our role is to love, support, and pray for them, trusting that God will lead them in the right direction.
Patience is Key
One of the hardest parts about seeing someone we care about struggle is the waiting.
We want them to change, and we want it to happen quickly.
But the Bible teaches us that patience is an important part of the process.
In Galatians 6:9, Paul writes, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
This verse encourages us to keep doing good, even when we don’t see immediate results.
Change often takes time, and we need to be patient with the people in our lives.
Just as God is patient with us, we should extend that patience to others.
It’s not easy, but trusting that God is at work, even in the waiting, can bring peace and hope.
Final Thoughts
The Bible gives us clear guidance on trying to change someone.
It reminds us that true transformation comes from God, not from our own efforts.
Our role is not to control or judge, but to love, support, and pray for the people around us.
While we can influence others through our actions and faith, the ultimate work of change is in God’s hands.
It’s important to trust His timing, be patient, and focus on our own growth.
When we approach relationships with humility, grace, and prayer, we create an environment where change can happen naturally, in God’s perfect plan.
So, if you’re feeling frustrated trying to change someone, remember to trust God’s work in their life, love them where they are, and pray without ceasing.