Communication is a key part of human relationships.
Whether it’s between friends, family, or strangers, speaking to one another is how we connect and build bonds.
But what happens when we choose not to speak to someone?
What does the Bible say about that?
In moments of conflict, anger, or pain, it might feel easier to stop talking to someone altogether.
However, the Bible has a lot to say about communication, forgiveness, and how we should handle these tough situations.
Let’s dive into what scripture teaches us about not speaking to someone and how we can apply these lessons in our lives.
The Power of Words
The Bible speaks about the immense power that words have.
In Proverbs 18:21, it says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
This means that what we say can build someone up or tear them down.
Words can heal, encourage, and bring peace, but they can also hurt, divide, and destroy relationships.
Choosing not to speak to someone, especially during a conflict, might seem like a way to avoid saying hurtful things.
But silence can also be a weapon.
Ignoring someone or giving them the “silent treatment” can cause deep emotional wounds.
It can communicate anger, rejection, or a lack of care.
When we understand the power of our words, we realize that speaking—and even silence—carries weight in our relationships.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
One of the most central teachings in the Bible is the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation.
In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him.
Jesus replies, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
This doesn’t mean we should keep a tally and stop forgiving after 77 times.
Jesus is teaching that our forgiveness should be limitless, just as God’s forgiveness for us is.
When we refuse to speak to someone, especially after a disagreement, it can be a sign that we are holding onto unforgiveness.
This doesn’t mean we have to pretend like nothing happened, but the Bible calls us to seek peace and reconciliation whenever possible.
In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus says that if you’re offering a gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you, you should first go and reconcile with them before offering your gift.
God values restored relationships, and this includes being willing to speak, forgive, and heal wounds.
Avoiding Bitterness and Resentment
When we choose not to speak to someone, we might be allowing bitterness to grow in our hearts.
Hebrews 12:15 warns, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Bitterness can start small, like a seed, but if left unchecked, it can grow into something destructive.
Refusing to speak to someone may feel like a way to protect yourself, but it often allows resentment to build.
The Bible teaches us to deal with issues directly and not let anger or bitterness fester.
Ephesians 4:26-27 advises, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
This passage reminds us that unresolved conflict gives the enemy a chance to create division.
Speaking to someone, even when it’s difficult, can help prevent bitterness from taking root.
Loving Your Neighbor
One of the greatest commandments Jesus gave us is to love our neighbors as ourselves.
In Matthew 22:39, He says, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
This kind of love is not always easy, especially when we feel hurt, misunderstood, or wronged.
But loving others means being willing to communicate, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Choosing not to speak to someone can feel like the opposite of love.
It can send the message that the relationship isn’t worth the effort or that the other person doesn’t deserve your time or attention.
However, the Bible encourages us to go the extra mile for others, even when it’s challenging.
In Romans 12:18, it says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
This doesn’t mean we will always agree or that every relationship will be perfect, but we should do our best to maintain peace and love in our interactions.
Handling Conflict with Grace
Conflict is a normal part of life.
No relationship is without its challenges, whether it’s with friends, family, or even within the church.
But the Bible offers clear guidance on how we should handle conflict— and it doesn’t include completely cutting off communication.
In Matthew 18:15, Jesus says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
This passage emphasizes the importance of direct and private communication when resolving issues.
It encourages us to address problems head-on, rather than avoiding them or letting them simmer.
Approaching conflict with grace means being willing to speak truth, but also doing so with kindness and humility.
Ephesians 4:15 tells us to “speak the truth in love.”
Even when someone has wronged us, we are called to communicate in a way that seeks to build bridges, not burn them.
The Danger of Isolation
When we choose to stop speaking to someone, we often isolate ourselves in the process.
Proverbs 18:1 says, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment.”
Isolation, whether emotional or physical, can lead to unhealthy patterns.
It can cause us to focus only on our own perspective, without considering the other person’s point of view.
The Bible encourages us to stay connected with others, even when relationships are difficult.
We are created for community, and that means we need to engage, even when it’s hard.
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, it says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
By not speaking to someone, we lose the opportunity to support and be supported by them.
Guarding Against Pride
Pride can often be a major barrier when it comes to communicating with someone we’re upset with.
It’s easy to think, “I don’t need to speak to them” or “They should come to me first.”
But the Bible has strong warnings about pride.
In Proverbs 16:18, it says, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
Holding onto pride can keep us from restoring relationships that God wants to heal.
It can make us feel justified in our silence, but it also prevents us from experiencing the humility and grace that come with forgiveness.
James 4:6 tells us, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
Choosing to break the silence, even when it feels like you’re giving up control, is often an act of humility that God honors.
Seeking Peace
The Bible places a high value on peace.
In fact, Jesus is often referred to as the “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).
Choosing not to speak to someone can create tension, anxiety, and division, all of which go against the peace that God wants for us.
In Matthew 5:9, Jesus says, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Being a peacemaker means taking the initiative to resolve conflicts and restore communication.
It might require you to take the first step, even when you don’t feel like it.
But in doing so, you’re following Christ’s example of peace and reconciliation.
Romans 14:19 encourages us, “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”
Speaking to someone, even when it’s hard, is often the path to true peace.
When Boundaries Are Necessary
While the Bible encourages communication, forgiveness, and reconciliation, it also acknowledges that there are times when boundaries are necessary.
In some cases, especially in toxic or abusive relationships, it may be wise to limit or cut off communication for a time.
The Bible doesn’t call us to stay in harmful situations.
In Proverbs 22:24-25, it says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.”
There is wisdom in setting boundaries with those who consistently hurt us.
However, even in these situations, the goal should still be to seek peace and healing, not to harbor bitterness or hatred.
Praying for those who have wronged us, even if we can’t speak to them directly, keeps our hearts aligned with God’s love and grace.
Final Thoughts
In the end, the Bible encourages us to choose love over silence.
Communication is an essential part of building and maintaining relationships, and when we refuse to speak to someone, we risk damaging those connections.
Whether it’s through forgiveness, seeking peace, or even setting healthy boundaries, God calls us to engage with others in a way that reflects His love.
The next time you feel tempted to cut someone off or give them the silent treatment, take a moment to reflect on what the Bible teaches.
Consider the power of your words, the importance of forgiveness, and the peace that comes from reconciliation.
By choosing to speak, even when it’s hard, you might just be opening the door to healing, growth, and deeper connection.