Forgiveness can be one of the hardest things to do, especially when the person who wronged you isn’t sorry.
It’s easy to forgive someone when they show remorse, apologize, or try to make things right.
But what about when they don’t?
What about when the person who hurt you feels no guilt or even continues to justify their actions?
Does the Bible call us to forgive in these situations too?
In this article, we’ll explore what the Bible says about forgiving someone who isn’t sorry and how we can apply this difficult yet freeing teaching to our lives.
The Call to Forgive
The Bible speaks a lot about forgiveness, and it doesn’t come with many conditions.
In fact, forgiveness is one of the central teachings of Jesus.
He constantly emphasized the importance of forgiving others, no matter the circumstances.
In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
This teaching shows just how serious Jesus is about forgiveness.
It’s not optional for Christians—it’s a command.
Jesus also gave a powerful lesson on forgiveness in Matthew 18:21-22, when Peter asked Him how many times he should forgive someone who sins against him.
Peter suggested seven times, which seemed generous.
But Jesus replied, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
In other words, forgiveness should be unlimited, not based on whether the person deserves it or whether they’ve said sorry.
Jesus’ Example of Forgiveness
One of the most striking examples of forgiveness in the Bible is when Jesus was on the cross.
He had been falsely accused, beaten, mocked, and was in the process of dying one of the most painful deaths imaginable.
Yet, in Luke 23:34, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Jesus wasn’t just asking for forgiveness for people who were sorry.
He was asking for forgiveness for people who were actively harming Him, people who had no remorse for their actions.
In this moment, Jesus demonstrated a type of forgiveness that goes far beyond what we typically think of as fair or deserved.
This example shows us that forgiveness isn’t dependent on the other person’s attitude or actions.
It’s about our own hearts and our willingness to let go of anger, resentment, and bitterness.
If Jesus could forgive those who crucified Him, we are called to extend forgiveness even to those who don’t ask for it.
The Danger of Unforgiveness
Holding on to unforgiveness can have serious consequences, not just spiritually but emotionally and physically as well.
When we refuse to forgive, we allow bitterness and anger to take root in our hearts.
Over time, these negative emotions can grow and poison our lives.
Ephesians 4:31-32 warns us about the dangers of holding onto bitterness: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Refusing to forgive someone who isn’t sorry might feel like holding them accountable or making sure they don’t get away with their actions.
But in reality, it’s often us who suffer the most.
Carrying the weight of unforgiveness can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems.
More importantly, it creates a barrier between us and God, as we saw in Matthew 6:14-15.
When we forgive, we aren’t saying that what the other person did was okay.
We aren’t letting them off the hook in terms of consequences or justice.
Forgiveness is about releasing our own hearts from the prison of bitterness.
It’s about trusting God to deal with the situation and the other person in His way, while we choose peace.
Forgiveness Without Reconciliation
One of the challenges of forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is that reconciliation may not be possible.
Reconciliation requires both parties to come together, acknowledge the wrong, and work toward healing the relationship.
But if the other person isn’t sorry, or refuses to admit they were wrong, reconciliation might not happen.
It’s important to understand that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing.
Forgiveness is something that happens in our hearts—it’s a decision we make to let go of resentment, regardless of what the other person does.
Reconciliation, on the other hand, requires the cooperation of both people.
Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
This verse acknowledges that sometimes peace isn’t fully possible because it doesn’t just depend on us.
We are called to do our part—extend forgiveness, release bitterness—but we can’t control the other person’s actions or decisions.
This means that you can forgive someone without being in a close relationship with them.
You can let go of bitterness without necessarily restoring trust or allowing them back into your life in the same way.
Forgiveness is about freeing your own heart, not about forcing a relationship that may not be healthy or safe.
Love Your Enemies
One of the most challenging teachings of Jesus is found in Luke 6:27-28, where He says, “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
Loving your enemies includes those who hurt you and aren’t sorry for it.
It includes people who may never acknowledge the pain they’ve caused.
This kind of love is radical, and it goes against everything our human nature tells us to do.
But Jesus calls us to a higher standard of love.
By praying for those who mistreat us, we invite God into the situation.
We let go of our desire for revenge or justice on our terms and trust God to handle it.
Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
When we forgive someone who isn’t sorry, we are choosing to love them in a Christ-like way.
This doesn’t mean we ignore the hurt or pretend it didn’t happen.
It means we choose to respond with grace, compassion, and prayer, allowing God to work in their heart while we keep our own hearts free from bitterness.
Setting Boundaries
Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you.
Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment, but it doesn’t mean allowing someone to treat you poorly over and over again.
There is a difference between forgiving someone and enabling harmful behavior.
While the Bible calls us to forgive, it also calls us to live wisely and protect ourselves from harm.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Part of guarding your heart is setting healthy boundaries with people who are toxic, manipulative, or unrepentant.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to trust them again immediately.
Trust is something that is earned, and it’s okay to protect yourself from further harm while still choosing to forgive.
You can love someone from a distance and keep healthy boundaries in place, all while releasing any bitterness or anger in your heart.
Forgiveness as a Reflection of God’s Grace
At the heart of forgiveness is grace—the unearned favor that God extends to us.
The Bible teaches that we are all sinners, and none of us are deserving of God’s forgiveness.
Yet, through Jesus, God offers us complete and total forgiveness.
Ephesians 1:7 says, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
When we forgive others, especially those who aren’t sorry, we are reflecting God’s grace to the world.
We are showing that just as God forgives us when we don’t deserve it, we are willing to forgive others even when they don’t ask for it.
It’s a powerful testimony of God’s love and mercy at work in our lives.
Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry may feel like an impossible task, but it’s important to remember that we aren’t called to do it in our own strength.
The Holy Spirit helps us to forgive, even when it feels difficult or unfair.
Philippians 4:13 reminds us, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
The Freedom of Forgiveness
Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is not about setting them free—it’s about setting yourself free.
When we hold onto unforgiveness, we carry the burden of anger, bitterness, and pain.
But when we choose to forgive, we release that burden and experience the peace that only God can give.
Colossians 3:13 encourages us, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
When we forgive, we follow Jesus’ example and open our hearts to the healing and freedom that comes from letting go of resentment.
Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry doesn’t mean pretending the hurt never happened.
It doesn’t mean excusing their behavior or forgetting the pain.
It means choosing to no longer be bound by that hurt.
It means trusting God to bring justice in His time and choosing peace for your own heart.
Final Thoughts
What does the Bible say about forgiving someone who isn’t sorry?
It calls us to forgive unconditionally, just as God forgives us.
While it may be one of the hardest things to do, forgiveness is essential for our spiritual, emotional, and even physical well-being.
Jesus’ life and teachings show us that forgiveness is not about the other person’s actions—it’s about the condition of our hearts.
By forgiving those who aren’t sorry, we free ourselves from the burden of bitterness and open the door to healing, peace, and growth in our relationship with God.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can forgive even the most difficult offenses and trust God to handle the rest.